Lost enough to let myself be led...

We're pretty well settled into our apartment here in Alcora, and since my greatly withchild wife is taking a much needed nap, I have some time to share some honest thoughts about where we're at...or where I'm at, at least.

About a month ago as I was driving our moving truck from Córdoba to Alcora, I had a lot of time to think about life: where we've been and where we're going, what we're doing and why we're doing it.  And as I was reflecting, I began to feel overwhelmed and pretty small in the midst of being a 'missionary in Spain.'

So the questions began to fly through my head:  What am I doing here in Spain?  Is it possible that I (a guy from a tiny town in Illinois) could be of any use to God and His desire to save Spaniards?  What does it mean to be a church planter?  In a town in Spain?  I'm going to be a father soon--I don't know how to do that, so what kind of father will I be?  And will I still be able to be a good and Godly husband for my wife?  In a word, I was feeling lost.

But God, in His graciousness, had a word for me during that 7 hour drive.  In the midst of the questions and the sense of being overwhelmed because of my lack of answers, I was listening to a Rich Mullins CD, his final one before his untimely death in 1997, called 'The Jesus Demos.'  The first song on that album is called 'Hard to Get,' and near the end of the song there is a line that says, 'I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here, to where I'm lost enough to let myself be led...'  And the Holy Spirit spoke quietly as my tears began to fall.

When we still lived in the States, I didn't realize just how much control I had over my life.  Speaking, preaching, leading Bible studies, knowing who I was and where I was going--I pretty well could do it all on autopilot.  But here in Spain, right here and right now, I feel so much more out of control.  I still butcher Spanish on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis and still get nervous when answering the telephone.  No, I don't know how to be a father, not to mention that I'm still working through some of my own father wounds at a whole new level.  No, there is no guarantee that Spaniards will respond to the Gospel and that we'll have 'success' (whatever that is) in planting a church in Alcora.

None of my questions have clear, easy, definitive answers, and that's OK.  I am here, God is walking with me through this time of change and uncertainty, and there is no doubt that He is leading me and will mold me through this new experience.  I am, indeed, where God wants me to be, lost enough to allow Him to lead me.

If you're interested, below is a pretty good rendition of that Rich Mullins song by Phil Stacey:

Journey Into Hope

Check out this video from ECMI called 'Journey Into Hope' to learn a little more about the context we work in here in Europe.  And wait for the end of the video to see a couple familiar faces!

The Smells of Spain

It's interesting how closely the sense of smell is linked with the memory, and since we're in the midst of saying goodbye to one set of memories (our past year or so in Córdoba), we wanted to share our list of the Top 7 Smells of Spain (especially of Andalucía).

1. Cigarettes:  About 33% of Spaniards smoke, including anyone from 13 year old school girls to scruffy old men sitting in the park.  As a result, the smell of cigarette smoke was one of the first things we noticed when we moved here last year.  Even though there's a huge campaign against smoking and an ensuing debate on where it's OK to smoke, you can't help but smell cigarettes smoke here (it makes me long for the Lung Brush, the great fictional SNL product used to reduce the chances of developing lung cancer).


2. Coffee:  It's a way of life for Spaniards, and you smell it on Spaniards' breath all the time:  coffee.  Early-morning, mid-morning, after lunch, mid-afternoon, later in the evening...any time is a good time for coffee here.

3. B.O.:  I mean no disrespect here, but the truth is that after just a couple days of living here in Spain, I noticed that people smell a bit different.  And that's because deodorant is optional among Spaniards, though I believe that's changing among the younger generation.  Even so, suffice it to say that on hot summer afternoons in Andalucía you don't want a Spanish guy to give you a hug.  Now, take the B.O., mix in coffee breath and cigarette smoke on people's clothes, and you begin to get a good idea of what a bus ride smells like here in Córdoba.

4. Pechín:  I can't say that this is a pleasant or unpleasant smell:  it's simply a distinct and pungent aroma.  Pechín is the material that results from an olive getting crushed and pressed to produce olive oil.  Since olive oil is probably the greatest export from Andalucía, on any drive through the countryside you're likely to pass a olive oil processing plant and catch a whiff of it.  For Rachel it brings back memories of childhood, for one of our foreign missionary friends it almost made her puke, and for me it's just interesting.

5. Orange Blossoms:  Just after we arrived last May, we noticed a wonderfully pleasant aroma as went out for our evening walks:  orange blossoms.  Here in Córdoba many streets are lined with orange trees (they produce bitter oranges, not the nice sweet ones), so in the springtime when the trees are in bloom it smells amazing here...as long as you're not standing near a street drain.

6. Garlic:  Walk by or into any apartment building just before lunchtime, and you'll know what we're talking about.  Garlic seems to be used in just about every dish here, and it's not too easy to miss.  In fact, Victoria Beckham was quoted as saying that Spain reeks of garlic, and if Posh says it, it must be true, right?

7. Spanish Bread:  Strolling down the sidewalk any morning you're likely to get a whiff of baking bread in a nearby panadería (bread bakery), which has to be one of the most delicious smells in the world.  Spanish bread is a little tougher and crustier than a french loaf, but it's equally as scrumptious, especially when it's fresh.  For us this provides a multi-sensory experience when we reflect on Jesus' words, 'I am the bread of life.'

BONUS:   After completing the list, Rachel reminded me about a smell that we complain about a lot:  dog poop.  You have to be very careful walking on the sidewalks here because just when you're least expecting you'll come upon a nice little pile of poo.  And even though there are signs like this one and owners are supposed to clean it up, many Spanish dog owners just don't care what their dog leaves behind for the rest of us to smell (especially in the heat of summer) and to avoid stepping in.

The Past 3 Weeks

We realize we've been out of touch with the blogosphere for the past several weeks, which is a pretty good sign that we've been too busy (and, therefore, too tired) to pause to think about and update the blog.  In any case, here's the past few weeks in pictures:

ECMI's Biennial Conference

We met with about 200 people for ECMI's Biennial Conference in Gandía, Spain.  It was a great time of encouragement, prayer, meeting new people (20-some new missionaries in the organization in the past two years!) and catching up with others. Above we're meeting with our ECMI-USA sending section.  Honestly, it was refreshing to hear people speaking English with an American accent.  Speaking of accents, B.J. shared his particular Midwestern twang with the ECMI family by singing a country song for the 'ECM's Got Talent' show.

Apartment Hunting in l'Alcora

Above you have a nice view of the town of Alcora (notice the Mediterranean Sea some 30 kilometers off in the background), and suffice it to say that after a three or four day hunt we have a nice apartment down there among all the buildings.  We hope to show more detailed photos later once we're moved in.

 IKEA

After realizing that we were moving from a furnished apartment to an unfurnished one in a few short weeks (around the middle of May), we decided it would be a good idea to have some furniture for our new place, including some fun stuff for the baby's room.  So we spent more time than we'd like to admit at IKEA in Madrid, where you can get good quality furniture and other hip stuff for cheaper than you can anywhere else here in Spain.

So that's been our past few weeks in a nutshell.  We've been busy, but it's been great to see how God has walked with us through it all, providing a place for us to live in our new town, as well as the means for us to put furniture in that place.  We'll keep you posted as we pack up and move to Alcora!!!